Things that I trust more than Rubio:

• Mexican tap water
• A wolverine with a 'pet me' sign
• A mixed drink made by Bill Cosby
• A straight edge shave from Jodi Arias
• A "Coin Toss" at a local Iowa Caucus
• An elevator ride with Ray Rice
• A night out with Aaron Hernandez
• Brian Williams memory
• A cigar offered to me by Bill Clinton
• Pete Carroll coaching decisions
• Loch Ness monster sightings
• OJ Simpson showing me his knife collection
• Pinocchio
• A North Korea "Satellite" launch
• Hilary Clinton's investigation into Bengazi
• Prayers for peace from Al Sharpton
• MSNBC's news reports
• Gas station Sushi
• A Jimmy Carter economic plan
• Bill Clinton's claim he never had inappropriate relationships
• An Obama Nuclear deal with Iran
• Michael Jackson's Doctor
• MeCHA, La Raza, and LULAC's claim they're not racists
• A Jeffery Dahmer dinner invitation
• Obama's investigation into the IRS Targeting Scandal
• The Boy that cried Wolf
• Harry Reid's exercise equipment
• Tying Anthony Weiner's shoes
• The direct number to the State Department in case of a riot
• A factory packed parachute
• A kiss from Judas
• An Afghan wearing a backpack
• A Supreme Court decision
• Keeping my healthcare plan
• A North Korea trial by jury
• A BIC pen that doesn't leak
• Flint Michigan water supply
• Electronic Voting Machines
• A business proposition from the Nigerian Minister of Finance
• A week old tuna fish sandwich found on a filthy city bus