Tuesday, August 23, 2016


The last time we were involved in any way with rabies was when my little brother was bitten by a dog in Fort Sill, OK. It was 50 years ago and he deserved it. My father went out looking for the dog that bit him and I helped. We didn't find it which means my little brother got the full load of shots.

I laughed.

I'm not laughing now.

The science of medicine has improved a bit since that day. I went to the Emergency Room with a Bat emergency.  They ushered me right in. I was forced to wait while the pharmacy concocted the vaccine out of pure magic and then I was, like Prometheus, left upon a rock in Darien, except Prometheus never made it anywhere near Darien before his liver was torn out. I just had the ninja team of nurse deliver 612 jabs to the thumb that was bitten while covering me with 5 more batguanorabies globulin to keep the rabies cooties off.

I have to go back again in 3 days, 6 days and 9 days because I have not suffered enough. I'm gonna need 4 more shots.

Srsly, she went after my thumb with a needle like it was Rorke's Drift and she was all the Zulu impi. At this point I would like to thank her and the doctor profusely. There wasn't a moment of hesitation to treat this tiny little flesh wound with the care and concern that I'd give to a bat bite. Stupid bats.

I will admit to being afraid to take the bandaid off my thumb. I'm not exaggerating when I say it was stabbed 52 times. It was. They try to work the anti-rabies globulin in around the puncture wound even if that's a phalange. I really don't care about needles and said, "heck, try to inject it right into both punctures." She was happy to give it a lash.

So, now you know more about bat nonsense than you ever wanted to. The new regime calls for 4 shots, not the 27 I remember. Just four. So I have three more to go. They need to be spaced out. One of the things one forgets about needle cures is that they want to keep you around for a little bit to see if you'll survive any disasterous side effects such as death. I had a book or 800 with me and told them I had all the time in the world. I wanted them to be thorough.

When I got home I found that CDR Vimes was out. Both Hobbes and Sam are indoor cats. We don't let them out. Hobbes hasn't made it out yet but this was Sam's 7th excursion into the dark and the rain. He was coaxed in after 30 minutes.


Captain Steve said...

Based upon your account, should it happen to me, I will make sure to kill the bat.

Anne Bonney said...

Poor baby. Are you by any chance developing a taste for blood - byah, ha, ha? I'll be keeping a close eye on you.

HMS Defiant said...

He was in my hand and a good hard squeeze would have killed him but he'd still have managed to sink his needle sharp fangs in. I had a .32 caliber to hand but it would have involved blowing a hole through my foot if I shot him. I was, at the moment something like the Monty Python soldiers faced with a Bengal Tiger! There was no five ton weight or pointed stick available.

HMS Defiant said...

I feel like a veteran of the Great War. I was shot 4 times in the legs, twice in the arms and 700 times in the thumb.

I'm going to buy 12 gauge shells, load the shotgun and keep it nearby. Those bats will never know just how lucky they are when they fly back out the window.

Captain Steve said...

Revenge is sweet. My thought was that if you took the dead bat in, they could test it for rabies and maybe spare you the shots.