PEOPLE WHO'S NAME STARTS WITH DAM

They damned sure took a hit last week. If my name started with dam, I'd lay low for a month and stay the hell away from the executioners at google and the police.

You can't be too careful if you're dammed.

THANK JEEEBUS AGAIN!!!

I'm rather surprised the cops didn't load him up and then tell us he died of lead poisoning. Yeah, he is insane, could it possibly have hurt anyone to play the damned song? Here, I'll do it.

Oh, never mind. I mean, it's OK if you want to get your ears clipped and sandblast your brain. Good on ya! Me? Not going to pollute the tubes with that. I thought it was a tune like I play around here and I'm a connoisseur. I don't just play any random crap. I have to hunt it down and kill it thoroughly and then do some data reduction, post analysis, and see if it is still space-worthy before I play a tune here. Rules are rules,

JADOTVILLE ON MY MIND BECAUSE DISTRACTED

Ripped off from Maggie's Farm,

The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.

RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $60 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Jack Daniels every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.

AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.

RANCHER: That would be me.

Tis the humor of wry. We're going to need a bit of that over the next four years. Currently watching The Siege of Jadotville.

NAILED IT

Scott Adams is a funny cartoonist and an amazing political philosopher. In this column he nails why there can never be any 'commonsense' gun control in America.

On average, Democrats (that’s my team*) use guns for shooting the innocent. We call that crime. 

On average, Republicans use guns for sporting purposes and self-defense. 

But we do know that race and poverty are correlated. And we know that poverty and crime are correlated. And we know that race and political affiliation are correlated. Therefore, my team (Clinton) is more likely to use guns to shoot innocent people, whereas the other team (Trump) is more likely to use guns for sporting and defense.

You don't see the arguments for gun-seizing and gun retention better expressed than that.

YET ANOTHER MODEST PROPOSAL

I was just perusing instapundit and the article featuring Winston Smith caught my eye. It had to do with the new mania of removing man from the military in every instance including job titles.

I read the headline provided by Ed Driscoll and had a flashback to the 21st Century's Great Garbler and Dissembler. He came up with the word all by himself using his own native intelligence and fluency and the really sharp crease in his pants. It's gender neutral in every single sense of the word and covers every single sex anybody, even a liberal progressive angst ridden LGBT sandwich, could dream up.

This time it will work. It will really really work. It can't go wrong. Nobody could argue that replacing the word 'man' in all those jobs with that ending with the word 'corpse' wouldn't solve the non-problem of finding a new name to cover the confusion and hysteria stalking the corridors of power and the E ring at the Pentagon too.

Yeoman becomes Yeocorpse

Legalman becomes Legalcorpse

Engineman becomes Enginecorpse

How delightfully sinister.

SOCIAL JUSTICE WORRIERS

I have to admit, that if some girl who was confused about her sexuality wandered into my locker room when I was in junior high school and took off all of her clothes, I would be fascinated. However, because there is no God, this never happened to me.

It's a funny old world when the State that heretofore had ruled full frontal nudity in films a service that required a parent along for those under 17, now rules that your 12 year old daughter gets to see a confused and naked young man up close in her school locker room because nothing ever happens in locker rooms that disturbs young girls. They are an unflappable and remarkably tolerant bunch.

On the gripping hand,

When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
   An' go to your Gawd like a soldier 

UPDATED to genuflect to "never" above.

NAVY BOUNCES OFF REALITY, DENIES COLLISION

It's been a month now since two boat loads of incompetent Navy boobs cravenly got down on their knees and surrendered their heavily armed and instrumented patrol boats to the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Navy (IRGN). I thought for sure that by now we'd hear the real truth about what happened and also learn that the Commanding Officer and several others had been relieved for, "loss of confidence" in their ability to command. Imagine my surprise to find that the Navy still doesn't have a problem with the disgraceful events of that day and has fired nobody.

Navy Expeditionary Combat Command has fired almost 20 Commanders and Commanding Officers since it sprang into existence under Rear Admiral Bullard on 14 January 2006, but in this case it cannot seem to find any fault with anybody's behavior on the boats, at their parent command in Kuwait or the Task Force Headquarters in Bahrain or with their home station command in San Diego. That is awesome! Over 20 officers sacked for loss of confidence because of personal foibles but people who bring great shame and disgrace are here to stay.

The Navy's failure to take any action publicly means that: Coastal Riverine Squadron THREE, Coastal Riverine Group ONE, Commander, Task Force 56, Navy Expeditionary Combat Command and Commander, FIFTH Fleet find that the training, preparation, readiness, material condition and navigational abilities of those two crews were up to snuff and in no way departed from the standards expected by the United States Navy.

That means that the United States Navy tacitly approves of the actions of the sailors pictured below and approves the methods used to train them for their responsibilities.

UNITED STATES NAVY SURRENDERS TO IRAN

This is Iranian Navy Ship Sahand in the Persian Gulf on my second deployment to the Arabian Gulf.

 Note what the Iranian patrol boat did when it was challenged by a US Navy cruiser and two frigates:

The Iranian patrol boat Joshan ignores radio warnings and approaches SAG Charlie. About 45 minutes later, Joshan fires a U.S.-made Harpoon missile — the remnant of a pre-Revolutionary arms purchase by the Iranian shah. Some 13 miles away, the U.S. ships fire chaff and dodge the incoming weapon. They return fire with Harpoons and Standard missiles, sinking Joshan in the world’s first missile duel between warships.

Joshan never hesitated, nor did the frigate Sahand. He got warned off three times and pressed in to launch an attack he knew would doom his ship. The thought of surrender never entered their minds and they never did.

I was sure that by now we would know what really happened at Farsi and learn that those involved had been fired. I really don't know this navy anymore that will remove all access to classified material from the top two Navy Intelligence admirals for two years while incompetent idiots investigate their involvement in a bribery scheme that happened 5 years ago and in which the defendant is cooperating with the government. How could it take two years without resolution, I wondered. Well, now we know. In the absence of an existential threat we have let the admirals select only officers like Dorsey for promotion to Admiral. What other explanation can there be for things like Littoral Combat Ships, the ongoing Intelligence Fiasco and this craven surrender?

In September of 1987, while US Navy forces were boarding and capturing an Iranian minelayer in the Persian Gulf, Dorsey was flying a training mission above the Mediterranean Sea and used the opportunity to deliberately shoot down a United States Air Force RF-4C Phantom. In 2012, a board consisting of Navy Admirals decided that Dorsey was made of the right stuff and selected him for promotion to Admiral. They have been doing a very poor job for a long time of selecting navy officers with integrity and competence for promotion to admiral.

In the words of another U.S. Navy patrol boat sailor:

"I can imagine a no more rewarding career. And any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worth while, I think can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction: 'I served in the United States Navy.'"   

--"Remarks at the U.S. Naval Academy (321)," August 1, 1963, Public Papers of the Presidents, John F. Kennedy, 1963.

It will take decades to repair the damage Admiral Vern Clark and his followers did to the Navy.

MS. DUNHAM CLAIMS MRS. CLINTON IS A RACIST BIGOTED HOMOPHOBE

Did you ever wonder how people with names seen in the press everyday react to the constant drumbeat launched by other, more famous people who share their name? Me neither.

We here at Defiant share the name with a movie of all things.