INTERPRETIVE SMOKE SIGNALS

There is another feel good story out of the the New York Post that could use a little modifier or explanation for those who are not familiar with the term, 'process is the punishment.' On the face of it Bolt CEO fired his Human Resources Department because they were "creating problems that didn't exist." He's not wrong in his thinking, merely in his approach.

HR is the modern version of the process that used to require a record of at least 2 counseling sessions before lowering the boom on a man who was screwing things up in the workplace. What I learned as a new officer was that if it wasn't documented previously, it could not be used as justification for non-administrative punishment. With some of the knuckleheads this was not a problem. You could literally tell them not to do X any more and they'd do it before they left my office and 4 more times walking back to the workcenter.

As I used to see it, HR was the permanent recording secretary documenting the little crimes that would safely see you rid of people that you and your colleagues really did not want to work with anymore. They were the corporate version of the ship's XO. 

They would mandate training on a given topic, record who was present and then when there was a failure to adhere to the mandates and your peers and work colleagues despised you, the HR department was there to chop you into pieces and walk them out of the building.

I had several issues with the HR process. The first was the obvious one that the rules only applied to the people that they didn't like. The second was that any given training on, for instance, sexual harassment, could be safely and comprehensively covered in something less than 5 minutes. It did not take an hour and need to be repeated and beaten to death.

My final issue with the HR is perhaps only one of my imagination. In that place I would just assume that the HR we're talking about was staffed entirely by people who met all the specifications for enrolling in the Witchfinder's General Assembly and frankly, I never liked those guys.

The HR was top-cover for getting rid of people that you no longer wanted to work with and getting rid of HR means you're stuck with those people because there are arcane rules about disposing firing workers you no longer like or can't tolerate. So we're back to where I was as a young junior officer being told by the XO that no, I cannot throw Fireman X over the side or shitcan him because I need to document that he was counseled and I must also have a record showing that his counseling included all the steps he must take to avoid becoming shark food. Only after repeated failures to stay off the menu could I get rid of him in strict accordance with procedures.

The upshot though was a day after that little chat the Engineer sent me note asking if I wanted to keep another particular bane of my existence who had just left my office after trying to explain how it was that he missed the last liberty boat back to the ship and was 'forced' to remain overnight on Diego Garcia. It seems his Background Investigation had finally come in and he had a rap sheet 22 pages long and had therefore fraudulently enlisted. He was on the next boat back to Diego Garcia and the next plane back to the United States.

What Mr. Breslow and his HR failed to comprehend was that his HR was supposed to work for him. I'm sure he'll be able to replace them with something ten times better but then, when we are talking about HR, we can be talking about multiplying by zero.