DIRT REPELLENT

In my youth, I used to be a newsman. I would deliver the news to a grateful (paying) public. I delivered the news on a bike. In Newport it rained a good deal and had weather leaving puddles and bikes would happily cast it up on me as I did my newshawk thing. People like these girls always impressed the hell out of me. It held true everywhere I went outside Europe and the Middle East. They didn't have washing machines and had to wash this sort of thing by hand and yet, it was always spotless. And they rode bikes all the time. When I rode I always ended up covered in mud.

I'm pretty sure they're all aliens.