Wednesday, October 18, 2017

THE UNIVERSAL REVOLT

Every now and then I run across the tatters of the old universe and it strikes a chord. Today I read that some Congressional democrats have declared that hi-capacity magazines kill people. I was touched by their concern and their obvious intelligence as they quickly concluded that the best way to save lives is to banish hi-capacity magazines because that's what they do. In the same vein, they might consider liquidating everyone over the age of 18 since older people do most of the killing.

In a similar vein, I ran across the People's Radio today and their show with Mike, the AG from Mississippi, a state that would otherwise never trouble to pass the lips or indeed the thoughts of a true liberal progressive democrat so lost to modern democracy is it that even the cows reliably vote rethuglican. Mike, the guy who was the very first to launch the anti-smoking campaign, sued big tobacco and won, sort of. Instead of outright declaring tobacco illegal like everything else, the government and the lawyers decided to milk it for the money that was in selling a product to the addicted. They are no different from pushers. They'll use the revenues for good, they said.

Mike has a new campaign and is launching a war on the makers of pain medication and doctors who write prescriptions for people in serious pain. Mike thinks we can make opioids just as safe and legal and rare as abortion, or something like that. Man sounded like a complete lunatic as he declared war on the number one, in big pharma, to make and market Oxycontin and who now sells a whopping 2% of the total number sold. Mike is devoted to ending the opioid epidemic-in which ruthless bloodsuckers and their lawyers make a sort of opioid, add lethal amounts of fentanyl and sell it to poor white trash too stupid and ignorant to know that it's going to kill them.

Amazingly, no addict can even tell if what he's injecting is the lethal drug on the right or the drug on the left

I was left to wonder why nobody made the observation that it wasn't the doctors or the drug companies that were selling the illegal crap, it was real scum of the earth types that the liberal progressives are busting their humps to let out of jail and never send to jail because there's nothing wrong with selling drugs and we should just legalize them and let the sellers sell what the want or what they can make.

I have several problems with all that. When government gets involved and things promptly go in the sewer or, as in Flint, in the potable water, nobody is ever held accountable. Let's just look at the Federal assault on a religious sect in Waco all those years ago. Biggest mass killing in America since the Indian Wars and yet nobody was punished or found at fault or fired or anything. Ditto the EPA fiasco where they blew a hole in a cofferdam and killed a river. Nobody was fired or disciplined or punished. Look at AMTRAK. They sell burgers at $10.00 a pop and still lose $10,000,000,000. There is now loose talk about creating a non-profit like AMTRAK to take over the running, staffing and management of the US Air Traffic Control System. That's right you are thinking, you're gonna work out some other way to get there rather than fly.

I really don't think we can afford to let these idiots mess with our water, our energy, our vital fluids, our drugs or our air traffic control. At any rate, as I thought about the ridiculous depths of this day I was reminded of that great radio show and yes! They are talking about making a 6th radio episode with the original cast back as Arthur Dent, Ford Prefect and Zaphod Beeblebrox. I'm not sure about Trillian.

Cast your minds into the past and read:

NARRATOR:
’The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’ has this to say about the planet of Golgafrincham: It is a planet with an ancient and mysterious history, in which the most mysterious figures of all are, without doubt, those of the Great Circling poets of Arium. These Circling Poets used to live in remote mountain passes where they would lie and wait for small bands of unwary travellers, circle round them, and throw rocks at them. And when the travellers cried out saying ‘why didn’t they go away and get on with writing some poems instead of pestering people with all this rock-throwing business,’ they would suddenly break off and sing them an incredibly long and beautiful song - in which they told of how there once went forth, from the City of Vassillian, a party of five sage princes with four horses. The first part of the song tells how these five sage princes - who are, of course, brave, noble, and wise - travel widely in distant lands, fight giant ogres, pursue exotic philosophies, take tea with weird gods, and rescue beautiful monsters from ravening princesses, before finally announcing that they have achieved enlightenment and that their wanderings are therefore accomplished. The second, and much longer part, tells of all their bickerings about which one of them is going to have to walk back. It was, of course, a descendent of these eccentric poets who invented this curious tale of impending doom which enabled the people of Golgafrincham to rid themselves of an entire useless third of their population. The other two-thirds, of course, stayed at home and lived full, rich, and happy lives until they were all suddenly wiped out by a virulent disease contracted from a dirty telephone. Meanwhile, Arthur Dent, Ford Prefect, and an Ark-load of frozen middle management men have crashed into the prehistoric dawn of a small, blue-green planet circling an unregarded yellow sun at the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral Arm of the Galaxy. After a year or so they convene a meeting to consider their position, which is not, on the whole, good…

CHAIRMAN:
Listen! I would like to call to order the five-hundred-and-seventy-third meeting of the colonization committee of the planet of Fintlewoodlewix. And furthermore -

FORD:
Oh this is futile! Five-hundred-and-seventy-three committee meetings and you haven’t even discovered fire yet!

MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT:
If you would care to look at the agenda sheet -

GUY:
Agenda rock, yes…

FORD:
Oh, go on back home or something will ya?

MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT:
…you will see that we are about to have a report from the hairdressers fire development subcommittee today.

HAIRDRESSER:
That’s me.

FORD:
Yeah well you know what they’ve done don’t you? You gave them a couple of sticks and they’ve gone and developed them in to a pair of bloody scissors!

MARKETING GIRL:
When you have been in marketing as long as I have, you’ll know that before any new product can be developed, it has to be properly researched. I mean yes, yes we’ve got to find out what people want from fire, I mean how do they relate to it, the image -

FORD:
Oh, stick it up your nose.

MARKETING GIRL:
Yes which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know, I mean do people want fire that can be fitted nasally.

CHAIRMAN:
Yes, and, and, and the wheel. What about this wheel thingy? Sounds a terribly interesting project to me.

MARKETING GIRL:
Er, yeah, well we’re having a little, er, difficulty here…

FORD:
Difficulty?! It’s the single simplest machine in the entire universe!

MARKETING GIRL:
Well alright mister wise guy, if you’re so clever you tell us what colour it should be!

FORD:
Oh Mighty Zarquon! Has no-one done anything?

MARKETING GIRL:
And of course Finlon the producer has rescued a camera from the wreckage of the ship and is making a fascinating documentary on the indigenous cavemen of the area.

FORD:
Oh yes, and they’re dying out, have you noticed that?

MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT:
Yes we must make a note sir to stop selling them life insurance.

FORD:
But don’t you understand? Just since we’ve arrived they’ve started dying out.

MARKETING GIRL:
Yes! Yes! And this comes over terribly well in the film that he’s making. I gather that he wants to, eh, make a documentary about you next captain.

CAPTAIN:
What? Oh. Oh really? That’s awfully nice.

MARKETING GIRL:
Oh, he’s got a very strong angle on it: you know the burden of responsibility, the loneliness of command…

CAPTAIN:
Ah well I wouldn’t overstress that angle you know, I mean one’s never alone with a rubber duck…

MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT:
Er, sir, er, skipper?

CAPTAIN:
Want a squeeze, eh?

MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT:
Um listen, if we could, er, for a moment move on to the subject of fiscal policy -

FORD:
”Fiscal Policy”?!

MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT:
Yes.

FORD:
How can you have money if none of you actually produce anything? It doesn’t grow on trees you know!

MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT:
You know If you would allow me to continue!

CAPTAIN:
Yes let him to continue.

MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT:
Since we decided a few weeks ago to adopt leaves as legal tender, we have, of course all become immensely rich.

FORD:
No really? Really?

CROWD MEMBERS:
Yes, very good move…

MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT:
But, we have also run into a small inflation problem on account of the high level of leaf availability. Which means that I gather the current going rate has something like three major deciduous forests buying one ship’s peanut. So, um, in order to obviate this problem and effectively revalue the leaf, we are about to embark on an extensive defoliation campaign, and um, burn down all the forests. I think that’s a sensible move don’t you?

MARKETING GIRL:
That makes economic sense.

[Murmurs of agreement from crowd]

FORD:
[Yells] You’re absolutely barmy! You’ve a bunch of raving nutters!

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